Fighting the Master of Disguise

Have you ever woken up with “Walking On Sunshine” playing merrily in your head? Ever walked out of your home one early morning with a pep in your step, feeling light as a pillow’s feather, for no particular reason?

Yes? Then enjoy every-single-second of it.

No? Then know that you’re not alone.

I have had mornings in which (without the help of alcohol, medication, or physical illness) my body moves as sluggishly as an old sloth and even something as simple as opening my eyes becomes a heavy burden.

Gravity pins me to my bed and my limbs don’t want to resist.

Everything in me wants to succumb to whatever force that’s keeping me there and go back to sleep. And sleep. And sleep.

During those mornings, all I want is to sleep for a long, long time —- to lose myself in my dreams and never find my way back.

I wanted to peacefully disappear…

… and this is one of depression’s many faces.

Depression is a true master of disguise —- it can be loud and explosive or subtle and sneaky. There are times that it can even disguise itself as physical ailments, such as unexplainable headaches and stomach aches.

Struggling to wake up almost every single morning?

Dreading to face what the day has in store for you?

That’s one of depression’s favorite masks.

How to overcome this continuous struggle to crawl out of bed?

That varies with each individual —- there’s never one correct way to overcome the symptoms of depression.

However, there’s an option that can at least help make the process a little easier: Find a drive.

Regardless of whether it’s long-term or short-term, a drive is something that can help you get through the day. It’s something to look forward to.

Easier said than done, right?

I agree.

Since I was very young, I had developed three long-term drives; some more cliched than others (*cough* romance *cough*).

But, with time, my passion for them started fading, like small flames on candles that had slowly run out of wax.

I was eventually left with nothing but ash.

I had nothing to hold on to and I had no idea what to search for. It had reached a point that I would desperately try to reignite drives that I knew had utterly died out.

All I had was an emptiness that fed on everything inside me —- from the remains of my past dreams to the flesh and bones residing inside my chest.

And, if I’m to be completely honest, that emptiness is still there. I still haven’t been able to find some long-term drive to keep me looking towards the future.

But I found day-to-day drives.

From petting every dog I see to writing these occasional posts.

From having random mini road trips to dedicating a day to reading and playing video games.

I hold on to any and every little drive I can — no matter how temporary or simple they are.

As long as they can distract me from the Master of Disguise, I’ll treasure it.

Whenever I can, I’ll keep searching for those new long-term drives. But, in the meantime, I’ll take in every little common delight that I can find as a reason to continue living.

And that’s my advice to you — to all of you who still struggle to find something to crawl out of bed for.

The common things, the little things that some people take for granted…

These can be enough to keep you living, instead of simply surviving.


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